Loud As A Whisper
by NeverTooLate123
Summary: AU Reid is in the foster care program but after he sees his foster family tortured and murdered he stops talking. Unfortunately he is the only witness. Now complete.
1. Chapter 1 Silence

CHAPTER ONE: Silence

Spencer couldn't believe that he was just sitting there, watching his family be tortured. He had to keep reminding himself that his brother had wanted him to hide, had wanted him to stay safe. But his mind was screaming at him to jump up from his hiding place in the coat closet and try to help. 'Stay here and be quiet.' Aaron's words resounded in his head.

Suddenly a scream made the thirteen year old flinch and blood splattered across the door. A couple of droplets came through the small opening where he had the closet door cracked open and they landed on his cheek. Tears spilt out of his eyes as he held back a sob.

* * *

><p>One year later...<p>

Jason Gideon nodded as he listened to his Prosecutor, friend Lucas Howard explain his predicament. "This boy is basically a genius, but it will be very difficult to convince the jury he is a reliable witness if he won't even talk to anyone." Howard said.

Gideon glanced down at Spencer Reid's file then looked back up at his friend. "You said that Fred and Kaitlin Landon were his foster parents. What happened to his biological parents?"

"It's quite a sad story. His father left him and his schizophrenic mother when he was only four. Only a few months later CPS came and took him, his mother was institutionalized. Spencer's father refused to take him so he was put with his aunt." Howard rubbed his hand over his face wearily then continued. "He stayed with her for two years then she gave him up. After that he was in a couple of foster homes before he came to be with the Landons and their adopted son Aaron Marx." He paused again before saying. "Will you try to get him to talk? We really need his testimony."

"I will see what I can do." Jason said firmly.

Howard smiled in relief. "I'll have the U.S. Marshall bring him down here tomorrow."

Gideon sighed. "Lucas, you need to understand that it may take a while depending on his stage of healing."

"I understand, Jason, thank you for agreeing."

* * *

><p>Spencer stared out the window of the SUV. He tried hard to put it out of his mind that he was going to be psychoanalyzed in less than half an hour. The words of William Shakespeare's many classics ran through his mind as he attempted to distract himself.<p>

"Agent Gideon is really a nice guy." Timothy Potter, Spencer's assigned U.S. Marshall, told him. "You don't have to be nervous."

Spencer looked at the man in the driver's seat then turned back to the window, his brother's last words to him replacing Shakespeare's. '...Be quiet.' A gentle plea that the fourteen year old refused to disobey.

He closed his eyes hoping to maybe sleep the rest of the way.

_It was about nine o'clock in the evening and Spencer and Aaron were watching television in the living room when the doorbell rang. Aaron glanced behind the couch at the front door. "Dad!Door!" the sixteen year old shouted._

_"You can't get off your lazy butt and get it yourself?" Spencer asked with a grin._

_Fred Landon smiled as he walked to the door. "Thanks for defending me, Spence."_

_"You're welcome."_

_"Kiss up." Aaron muttered good naturedly._

_Fred opened the door and gasped._

"We're here." Spencer's head jerked up when he heard the U.S. Marshall speak. It felt like butterflies were fluttering around inside his stomach. Everyone wanted him to talk, to tell them what had happened, but he couldn't. Aaron had told him to stay quiet, so he would. It was his brother's last request and he would not disgrace his memory by forgetting it. So as he got out of the car and followed Timothy into the building, he steeled himself against the probing that would be coming soon.

Once they got inside they were greeted by an agent who led them into an elevator. The agent pressed a button and the lift started its ascent. No one spoke during the short ride. Spencer always found it interesting that in his experience government agents only ever spoke to each other if need be. In his mind it was a little hypocritical that they try to get him to talk and they barely even speak to each other.

The elevator doors suddenly opened and the agent took the lead again. Spencer and Timothy followed him through a bull pen full of other FBI agents and then up to an office that had a plaque on the door that read 'SSA J. Gideon'. The agent knocked on the door and a voice called through "Come in." An overwhelming urge to run came over Spencer, but Timothy's hand on his shoulder kept him from acting on it. The agent opened the door and the three of them went in.

Two men sat on either side of the desk. Then man who sat behind the desk, Reid assumed this was Agent Gideon, was far from what he was expecting. He had graying hair with a bald spot on top, gentle eyes that made you feel safe, his face was a bit worn but still friendly, and he didn't wear the same suit that most of the other agents seemed to be wearing but he wore blue jeans and a light blue t-shirt.

The man in front of the desk was the total opposite. He was exactly what you would expect an FBI agent to look like. He wore a dark suit, had dark hair, and a stoic face. Yet somehow he looked familiar.

Spencer was so busy examining the men in the room that he was startled when the agent who had brought them up there spoke. "Agent Gideon this is Timothy Potter, the U.S. Marshall you were expecting."

"Thank you, Burke." Gideon said sincerely. Burke left as soon as he knew his job was done.

"Agent Gideon." Timothy greeted as he shook the agent's hand.

Gideon smiled then nodded toward the agent on the other side of the desk. "This is SSA Aaron Hotchner."

When Spencer heard the name he fixed his gaze on the stoic features of the agent. That's when he realized what was so familiar. If he was smiling he would look exactly how Reid would imagine his Aaron looking as an adult.

"Are you here to talk to Spencer too?" Timothy asked, slightly confused.

Hotchner stood as he spoke. "No, I was just discussing a case with Agent Gideon." He turned to Gideon. "We'll finish talking about this later."

Gideon nodded and Agent Hotchner was gone.

Spencer tuned out Timothy and Gideon's conversation. He didn't feel like listening to people talk about him as if he wasn't there. Everyone seemed to think that just because he didn't talk he couldn't hear them.

"Spencer." the fourteen year old looked up when he heard Timothy talking to him. "Agent Gideon is going to talk to you for a little while, but I'll be right outside if you need me, okay?"

Reid swallowed nervously but nodded that he understood.

After Timothy left the room Gideon gestured to the chair that Agent Hotchner had been sitting in for Spencer to sit. The boy glanced at Gideon then the chair then back at Gideon. He shook his head and took a step back away from the desk. He refused to give them an inch.

"Okay, you can stand." Gideon said kindly.

After the session Timothy went in to talk to Gideon and they asked Spencer to wait in the conference room. He didn't have to be in the office to know what they were talking about. Gideon was probably telling Timothy the usual "He's been severely traumatized... He may never speak again... No point in trying to get him to talk... Waste of time...".

Spencer decided that he didn't want to just sit there and wait, he wanted to see man who looked so much like his brother and even had his name.

Spencer exited the conference room and started walking down the row of office doors. He stopped when he saw a door with a plaque that read: "SSA A. Hotchner." The boy wondered if this was it. He figured there was only one way to find out, so he knocked. "Come in." a voice commanded from inside the office. Spencer entered and inwardly patted himself on the back for finding the right office when he saw the same stoic man from earlier.

Hotch looked slightly confused but asked. "Can I help you?"

Spencer nodded and walked forward until he was standing directly in front of the desk.

The agent waited expectantly but no words came out of the boy's mouth. "Shouldn't you be with Agent Gideon?"

Spencer shook his head and sat down in the chair across from Hotch.

"Then shouldn't you be with your marshal?"

Spencer suddenly reached across the desk and grabbed a pen and a piece of paper. He wrote something on the paper and when he was done he handed it to the FBI agent.

_Timothy and Agent Gideon are talking._ Hotch read.

"Where are you supposed to wait for them?"

Spencer grabbed the pen and paper again. He flipped the paper over and started drawing this time.

Hotch couldn't help the ghost of a smile that crossed his face; the teenager had drawn a perfect diagram of the conference room.

Hotch cleared his throat before speaking. "You should go wait for them in this room." He said as he pointed to the picture.

Spencer sniffled. He didn't want to leave the one person who could remind him of his brother. A knock on the door suddenly interrupted their strange conversation. Gideon poked his head inside before Hotch could answer. "Hotch, is- Oh, there he is." Gideon leaned out to talk to someone, then he and Timothy both came in.

Timothy shook his head. "Spencer, you can't run off like that." he scolded.

Hotch stood up as he apologized. "I'm sorry. I should have brought him back as soon as he came in here."

"That's okay. At least he didn't go too far." Timothy suddenly got distracted by the paper Spencer had been writing and drawing on. "Did he do this?"

Hotch nodded. "Yes. I asked him some questions and that's how he replied."

"He's never done that before. Usually he just ignores everyone."

Gideon looked a little curious but turned to the marshal. "You can bring him back in a couple of days. I don't want to overwhelm him right now."

Timothy nodded and gently took Spencer's arm. "Come on, Spencer."

Spencer's eyes went wide. He couldn't leave Aaron; not again. "NO!" he yelled as he ripped his arm away. He ran forward and threw his arms around Hotch in a tight hug.

The three men stood there completely stunned.

Spencer had not wanted to leave his new Aaron's side but the three government agents had asked him to wait outside while they talked so he sat on the ground staring up at the door waiting for it to open so he could see new Aaron once more. When the door finally opened Spencer jumped to his feet and ran into the office. He quickly grabbed Hotch's arm, refusing to let go.

Timothy sighed in exasperation. "Spencer, we have to go, but I will bring you back to see Agent Hotchner tomorrow."

The teenager looked up at the FBI agent he was clinging to. Hotch nodded, attempting to reassure boy. Spencer reluctantly released his grip and slowly walked over to the U.S. marshal.

* * *

><p>Hotch sighed as he climbed into bed next to Haley. "Are you okay?" she asked as she rolled onto her side to face him.<p>

"We need to talk about something." He stated carefully.

Haley frowned. "What is it, Aaron?"

"Today Gideon was talking to this very traumatized fourteen year old boy. His father abandoned him and his mentally ill mother when he was four and then he was in the foster care system until he was thirteen. Then he saw his foster parents and foster brother tortured and murdered."

Haley held back tears as her husband spoke. "That's terrible." she breathed.

"He won't talk but he's the only witness who can get the murderers put away for sure. If he doesn't testify they'll probably walk and he'll be in danger his whole life." Haley opened her mouth to speak but Hotch cut her off. "I'm telling you this because he's formed an attachment to me. It might be because I have the same name as his foster brother but the point is he spoke today when the marshal assigned to him tried to get him to leave me. I think I might be able to get him to open up and if I did that would be a huge advantage for the prosecution. Basically I'm asking you if he can stay with us for a while."

Haley looked thoughtful for a few moments. "Do you think Jack would be okay with it?"

A/N: I will continue with this story if enough people would like me too but updates might be a little slow because i go back to college in a week or so. Please review, I would appreciate it.


	2. Chapter 2 Scream

**A/N: Thank you so much for your patience as I am hard at work to update this story! :D Enjoy!**

Warnings: a scene containing child abuse

CHAPTER TWO: Scream

As Hotch drove home that evening with Spencer, the FBI agent kept thinking about how lucky he was that his five year old son thought of this situation as getting a brother instead of as having to share his daddy.

Hotch glanced over at the teenager in the passenger seat as he asked. "Are you hungry?" Spencer nodded in reply. "My wife is making lasagna. Do you like lasagna?" Another nod.

Hotch gave up on the conversation and was very thankful when they reached his house.

As soon as they entered through the front door Jack had launched himself at his father with a loud shout of, "Daddy!"

Startled by the loud sound Spencer threw himself into the nearby coat closet. He crawled to the back of the dark space and buried his face in his arms as he rested them on his knees. This was all so overwhelming. New place, new people; it seemed like there was no consistency in his life.

* * *

><p><em>Aaron had left the room to see if their foster father was ok and Spencer had started to follow. Suddenly his brother turned around and shoved Spencer back. The younger boy opened his mouth to protest but Aaron quickly pulled him over to the closet nearby and threw him in. "Stay here and be quiet." Aaron whispered before closing the door. <em>

* * *

><p>A sliver of light shone into the dark space and he saw his new Aaron peeking in. "Are you okay, Spencer?" he asked, a concerned frown on his face. Spencer scrambled to his feet and hugged the older man tightly. "I'm sorry if my son scared you. He just gets overly excited sometimes."<p>

Spencer allowed Hotch to lead him out of the closet as he tried to blink back the tears that had started to collect in his eyes.

Jack looked at Spencer curiously. "I didn't mean to scare you." The five year old said sincerely. Spencer made no sign of recognition and Jack looked a little confused.

"Why don't I show you where you'll be sleeping? Okay?" Hotch suggested.

Spencer nodded and followed the older man upstairs. They went into a small bedroom where Hotch laid the teenager's suitcase on the bed. "The bathroom is right across the hall. You'll be sharing with Jack. And my room is at the end of the hall." Hotch looked at the fourteen year old for some sign of recognition but only saw Spencer's eyes dart warily around the room. "You can go ahead and start unpacking. I'll let you know when dinner is ready."

When Hotch got to the bottom of the stairs Jack immediately ran over to him. "I'm sorry." Jack said sadly. "I didn't mean to scare him."

"I know." Hotch said with a soft smile as he picked his son up. "Let's go see if mom needs any help in the kitchen."

"Is he mad at me?"

"No. I think he just needs some space, buddy."

* * *

><p>When dinner was ready Hotch went up and got Spencer. Everyone sat and ate in an awkward silence until Jack finally spoke up. "Tyler got a new video game." He announced.<p>

"That's nice." Haley commented. "What kind of game?"

"Mario kart! It's so cool!" Jack looked over at Spencer. "Have you played Mario kart?"

Spencer shook his head in reply.

"Do you like video games?"

Spencer shook his head again.

"Can you talk?" The small boy asked curiously.

Hotch and Haley both looked at each other in horror then at Reid, hoping he would not get upset. Spencer set down his fork and slowly wiped his face with his napkin. He looked at the smaller boy and nodded.

Jack opened his mouth to ask another question but stopped when Spencer suddenly pushed his plate away and got to his feet. The teenager left the room without a word and Jack looked down at his plate clearly crestfallen.

Haley reached over and brushed her fingers through her son's hair. "Sweetie," she started softly, "sometimes people are a little sensitive toward certain subjects. You just have to be careful what you say to people. Do you understand?"

Jack nodded although Hotch and Haley figured that the five year old most likely did not fully comprehend what Haley had just said.

* * *

><p>Spencer pulled his pajamas out of the dresser and slowly pulled them on. He was not angry with Jack he just wanted a little peace and quiet away from prying questions even if the small boy did not realize they were inappropriate.<p>

The teenager got on his knees by the side of the bed and clasped his hands together, resting his elbows on the mattress. He did not usually pray, in fact he was not sure if he believed in God or any interpretation of God but he wanted to feel like someone was listening even if he was not audibly speaking. _"God, or whatever your name is, I'm not sure if you really exist, I mean there is no definite proof of a higher being, yet evolution cannot be scientifically proven either… anyways I just wanted to talk to someone. If you sent this new Aaron to me I wanted to thank you. I've been really missing my old Aaron. He was never intimidated by my intelligence and always listened even if he didn't understand what I was talking about. I hope this new Aaron is at least half as nice as my old Aaron._

_I want the people responsible for taking the Landons and Aaron away to pay but I don't know if I'll be able to testify. I don't know if I ever will be… _

_Before I go if you're really up there please protect my mother wherever she is."_ Spencer made to get up but stopped and got back on his knees. _"Amen."_ He finished before clumsily crossing himself, not used to the movements. When he got up and sat on his bed he felt a little silly for talking to someone he could not see yet he felt like at least a small bit of the weight on his shoulders was lifted. Maybe he would be able to sleep without having a nightmare tonight.

* * *

><p>Hotch sighed as he climbed into bed with his wife exhausted from the day's events. "Did you check on them?" Haley asked.<p>

Hotch nodded, pulling the covers over himself. "They're both sound asleep."

"Good. Do you think they'll both be okay by the morning? They seemed pretty upset."

A frown crossed the FBI agent's face. "I think they will get past it."

The couple kissed and went to sleep but three hours later they were awoken by a scream. Hotch leapt from bed and ran out into the hallway. He heard the screaming coming from Spencer's room so he ran down the hall and threw open the door. Inside he saw Spencer thrashing around on the bed as if an imaginary monster was attacking the young teenager.

Hotch quickly rushed over to the bed and grabbed Spencer trying to keep him from hurting himself. "Wake up!" the older man said loudly over the screaming. "Wake up, Spencer! You're dreaming!"

Finally Spencer's eyes flew open and he started to push away the iron grip that was around him. "Stop!" he yelled, his voice hoarse from screaming. "Stop it!"

Quickly, Hotch released the boy from his grasp, not wanting to cause any more harm. The boy immediately curled up in a small ball as if trying to protect himself from the horrors he saw in his dreams. Hotch's face contorted revealing the grief and sorrow he felt for Spencer. He didn't normally show his feelings but right now he could do nothing to stop them from showing. His hand started to move forward as if to comfort the teenager but Spencer flinched away and Hotch pulled his hand back.

"Do you want me to leave?" Hotch asked softly. He watched for an answer and as soon as he saw the tiniest of nods he left the room.

Running a hand through his hair, Hotch walked slowly down the hall toward his bedroom but stopped when he saw the light on in Jack's room. "What's going on?" he asked as he opened the door.

"All the commotion woke Jack up." Haley answered from where she sat, comfortingly running her fingers through Jack's hair.

Jack wiped at his tear-stained cheeks and looked up at his dad. "Is Spencer okay?" he asked.

Hotch swallowed hard before replying. "He will be."

* * *

><p>Spencer let out a sob moments after his new Aaron left. He wanted someone to comfort him but he just could not handle human touch after the dream he had had.<p>

"_Can't you do anything right?" Mr. Hughes shouted angrily as he threw nine- year- old Spencer across the room. "You can't even wash a few stupid dishes!" He picked up the plate he claimed was dirty and threw it in the same direction he had thrown Spencer._

_Spencer covered his head with his arms and screamed in pain when the plate hit him and broke, leaving a large gash in his flesh._

_Mr. Hughes walked over and aimed a kick at the child huddled in the corner, coming in contact with injury, he caused an even louder scream. "Shut up!"_

Spencer shook himself from his reverie. At least it wasn't the worst memory he could have dreamed about, he thought with a shiver. A humorless laugh escaped his lips when he remembered what his social worker had said about Mr. and Mrs. Hughes being "upstanding members of the community". The whole memory just caused him to miss the Landons and Aaron even more. A part of him wanted to talk so he could make sure that their killers paid but then he kept coming back to Aaron's last request and he knew that he just couldn't do it.

The next day Hotch took Spencer to library. Having seen the teenager's impressive collection of books he concluded that this trip would be a good idea. As soon as they arrived Spencer started pulling all sorts of books from the shelves. Once he had a good sized stack he found a secluded corner and settled down to start reading.

Hotch took a book down for himself and sat at a nearby table so he could keep an eye on his charge. A few minutes later Hotch looked up from his book and saw that the large novel Spencer had just been reading was being set aside. The agent watched carefully as Spencer started a new book and saw that the teenager's eyes were quickly scanning page after page. He decided to ask him about it later since Spencer looked so content at the moment. It pained Hotch to think that the next day he would have to take him back to Gideon for another session. Hadn't Spencer been through enough? Now, they were having to prepare him to relive the worst moments of his life over again and this time in the process giving a courtroom full of strangers a play-by-play. None of it was fair.

Spencer felt like the equivalent of a kid in a candy store. Nothing could ruin the moment he was living in; he could remember feeling like this at only one other time in his life, the times he would be sitting with his mother as she read to him. The feeling was amazing; it was like living in his own little perfect world where there were no child abusers, murderers, dads who abandoned their families, illnesses like schizophrenia… none of it existed. If only he could stay in this world forever, stay in this moment forever.


	3. Chapter 3 Separated

CHAPTER THREE: Separated

Gideon decided to take it as a good sign that Spencer sat down at the beginning of their session. "How has it been staying with the Hotchners?" He asked politely.

Spencer looked down at his wringing hands and started chewing on his bottom lip.

Gideon took note of the teenager's mannerisms and reworded his question. "Do you like staying with the Hotchners?" It was encouraging when Spencer finally looked up and nodded ever so slightly. "Agent Hotchner told me that the two of you went to the library yesterday. He said that you enjoyed it there. Do you like books?" This time Spencer nodded more fervently; he even looked like he wanted to say something but still held back. "What kinds of books do you like?" It was like flipping a switch. Spencer lit up as if he had been waiting for someone to ask that question, but it looked like he was literally biting his tongue to keep himself from answering. "It's okay, Spencer. You can answer when you're ready." Spencer shook his head and seemed to be shutting down, closing in on himself once more.

Gideon held back a frustrated sigh. He knew it was only their second session but Spencer seemed like he actually wanted to talk. Something was holding the teenager back and Gideon could only hope that they could get to the bottom of it in time for the trial.

Spencer waited in the bullpen for Hotch and Gideon to finish talking in Gideon's office. He sat down at one of the desks and put his head down. He suddenly felt extremely tired. He wished that they would just leave him alone; let him be silent if he wanted to be. He figured that if he thought about it from their point of view they were probably wondering why he didn't just talk like a normal person.

Suddenly someone tapped Reid on the shoulder and he jumped. A scream escaped his lips as he fell from the chair and curled up into a tiny ball. Spencer squeezed his eyes shut and drowned out the sound of voices with his heavy breathing. _Oh, no, they're gonna hear me…_He could hear his foster family's muffled screaming and realized that the bad guys wouldn't be able to hear him over it. _Why is this happening? Why?_

"Spencer, you're safe. It's okay now."

Spencer opened his eyes and looked up to see his new Aaron leaning over him.

"Aaron." He mouthed soundlessly. Hotch slowly pulled him into a sitting position and Spencer blushed, realizing how many people were watching the scene curiously.

Although as his Aaron and Gideon pulled him carefully to his feet and lead him to an office he saw that there was one muscular, black man who didn't look curious but concerned and slightly guilty… and he was following them.

"Are you okay, kid?" the man asked once they were all in the office with the door closed.

Spencer slowly nodded as he assessed the man in front of him.

The man ran a hand over his shaven scalp. "I didn't mean to- uh… startle you."

Spencer stepped behind Hotch and clutched the back of the older man's jacket tightly. Hotch reached behind him to reassuringly pat Spencer's arm as he gave Morgan an apologetic look. "He's been through a lot." Was the extent of Hotch's explanation.

Once Morgan and Gideon had left and Hotch and Spencer were alone Spencer finally let go of Hotch's jacket. Hotch turned around and saw that there were tears in the teenager's eyes. Hotch gently took him by the arm and lead him over to the small couch so they could sit down. "What happened?" the older man asked softly. Spencer shook his head and rested his forehead on Hotch's shoulder. A sigh escaped Hotch's lips. He knew that this was Spencer's way of protecting himself but no one could help him until Spencer got past what was going on inside him.

That night Spencer laid in bed curled up under the covers with his eyes squeezed shut. He always hated the dark. You never knew what could be lurking in the shadows waiting for you to let your guard down. But now he did not just hate the dark, he was terrified of it. He figured that it had started after his short time with the Pierces. His hands clenched the comforter tighter when he thought about Mr. Pierce and the man's perverted view of a "father's love".

_Don't think about him. Don't think about him._

Spencer suddenly opened his eyes when he heard his bedroom door opening. His hands started and his heart rate sped up. "Are you awake?" he heard Jack's voice come through the darkness.

Spencer sat up in bed and blinked as the light turned on. He let out the breath he had been holding when he saw the young boy. Without a word Jack walked over and climbed up onto the bed. "Hi." The five year old whispered.

Spencer gave a small, tired wave in greeting.

"I brought you a present." Jack announced with a toothy grin. "When I sleep over at my friend's house sometimes I get scared so I bring this with me." The small boy pulled a Scooby- Doo night light out from behind his back. "You can use it if you get scared."

Spencer felt overwhelmed with relief. He hugged Jack tightly; happy that maybe for the first time in over a year he could get some peaceful sleep. "Thank you." Spencer whispered gratefully.

Jack suddenly pulled away and looked up at the teenager in surprise. "You talked!" the small boy whispered in awe. Spencer ignored the comment and took the night light to go plug it into the outlet next to the bed. He then went and turned off the light. The small night light turned on and its soft glow dispelled the shadows.

Jack said good night and then ran to his parent's room. "Mommy! Daddy!" he whisper- shouted as he leaped into their bed.

Hotch sat up, startled while Haley groggily opened her eyes. "What is it, Jack?" Hotch asked suddenly alert.

Jack spoke with an excited gleam in his eye and a happy grin on his face. "I took Spencer my Scooby- doo night light and he said thank you! He talked to me!"

Hotch and Haley looked at each other and smiled. They both knew Jack was not one to make things up. This meant that some progress had been made, and maybe Spencer would heal in time.

* * *

><p>Hotch liked his job. He liked being able to put Unsubs away and save lives but after two weeks of begging off cases so he could stay with Spencer he finally decided to take an extended leave of absence so he could focus on saving this one life.<p>

Gideon had said that taking Spencer to the library had been a step in the right direction and that they needed to slowly put him into to more situations with people he was not used too. So here they were at the local movie theatre, getting ready to see a science fiction film Spencer had picked out.

"Are you excited?" Hotch asked as he gave their tickets to the usher. Spencer nodded enthusiastically, a huge grin on his face and Hotch could not help but smile too. It was nice to see the teenager so happy about something. The past two weeks had been difficult. He had gotten Spencer to go to the park but they had to leave after only fifteen minutes. Hotch had not known that Spencer did not like dogs… or that dogs did not like Spencer. They had found some other things to do but this was the first one since the library that Spencer seemed truly excited about.

Hotch had to admit that although science fiction was not his preferred genre he had actually enjoyed the movie. As they exited the theatre he turned to ask Spencer what he thought of it but found that the teenage boy was not next to him. He looked to his right then to his left, spinning back and forth in an odd manner. Panic started to build in Hotch's chest as he looked around in the crowd of people leaving the movie but could not see Spencer. "Spencer!" he called hoping to see the fourteen year old push through the crowd to answer him with a signature nod. Unfortunately Hotch still did not see him. _This is how the parents of missing children must feel. _A feeling of dread settled in Hotch's stomach.

Hotch tried to keep his cool as he went back into the theatre wondering at what point he had lost the teenager who had grown so attached to him. He felt ashamed that he had not even realized Spencer was no longer at his side. Pushing the guilt out of his mind for now Hotch walked quickly to the concessions counter. He flashed his badge at the eighteen year old girl with purple hair. "I need to speak with your manager." He ordered.

* * *

><p>"Why do I need to shut down the whole theatre for a fourteen year old?" the manager asked with a sigh of exasperation.<p>

Hotch glared at the overweight, twenty something, high school senior, trying to catch popcorn in his mouth. "Because he saw his entire family tortured and murdered and has PTSD. He is most likely scared and doesn't know what to do.

The manager set down his bucket of popcorn and grabbed the microphone to speak over the loud speaker. "Spencer, please come to the manager's office." He said before setting it down and picking back up his popcorn. "There. Happy?"

Hotch resisted pulling his gun and instead said in a dangerously quiet voice. "If you do not shut down this theatre immediately I will arrest you for obstruction and child endangerment."

The manager swallowed looking slightly worried. The annoyed, cocky expression he had had earlier had disappeared. "Seriously?" he asked nervously. Hotch did not reply so the manager continued. "I will shut down the theatre immediately. "

**A/N: I apologize for this chapter being a little shorter than the others but I had the urge to end this chapter with a cliff hanger. I hope you enjoyed it and I will post the next chapter as soon as I can.**


	4. Chapter 4 Selfdoubt

CHAPTER FOUR: Self-doubt

Spencer was walking out of the movie theatre with his new Aaron. The movie had been so amazing; all of the special effects had been overwhelming in a good way. He thought back to the first time he had gone to a movie theatre. His father had actually taken some time off of work and taken Spencer to a movie. Spencer didn't really remember what that movie had been about but he had just enjoyed the time with his dad. After everything that had happened since that day the teenager wondered if his father had only taken him out because his mom asked him to.

Spencer was suddenly shaken from his thoughts when he felt someone bump into him hard and he stumbled backward. He looked around quickly for Aaron. He had already been lagging behind from being lost in his own thoughts and now they were completely separated. A wave of people came out of the nearby theatre showing a horror movie from the sound of the people's conversations. Spencer felt himself starting to panic. He was being jostled around in the crowd heading for the restrooms or the exit. Spencer swallowed hard and pushed through the crowd, not really sure where he was going. He thought he heard someone shouting but he covered his ears feeling overwhelmed by all the voices. He got through the crowd and started running just wanting to get away from all the people.

It wasn't until he tripped over a stand holding up some advertisement for a new movie that he stopped running. He pushed himself to his feet wiped off his hands on his jeans, trying get off the stickiness that he had picked up from the soda soiled carpet. Spencer let out a shaky breath and sat down behind the cardboard ad. What if he never got back to his new Aaron? What if they did find him and because of this he had to go back to staying with Timothy? Tears filled his eyes at the thought of never seeing Aaron Hotchner again and soft sobs sounded from his lips.

Suddenly the cardboard was being pushed aside and a kind older woman's face was looking at. "Are you okay there, Sweetheart?" she asked sweetly.

Hotch had gone through about half the building with the manager by the time he finally found Spencer sitting with an elderly woman inside one of the theatres. Spencer looked like he was intently listening as the elderly woman he was sitting next to was telling him a story. "Spencer!" Hotch said with uncharacteristic emotion when he got over to them. Spencer jumped to his feet and grasped Hotch's sleeve tightly.

"Is this sweet boy your son?" the elderly woman asked.

Hotch nodded. "In a way."

"Well he is the most polite boy I have ever met. You've done a very good job with him."

The FBI agent did not really know what to say. All he could think was that if losing this boy he had been entrusted with was any indicator of his parenting skills he was not doing a very good job. "Thank you, ma'am." He finally said stiffly.

"You can call me Abigail." The elderly woman said with a sweet smile before she turned her attention to the teenager. "Now, you take care of yourself, okay?"

Spencer nodded and let a small smile grace his lips.

"Good."

Hotch drove them home but he kept glancing over at the young teenager, expecting to see anger on his face or disappointment. Yet all the agent saw was a worried expression on the young face. "I'm sorry." Hotch suddenly said. Spencer looked at him in confusion. "I lost you." The older man explained.

There was only silence the whole rest of the way home and whenever Hotch glanced at the passenger seat he saw that a slight frown had joined the boy's worried expression on Spencer's face.

* * *

><p>It was the middle of the night and Hotch had been fast asleep but suddenly he was wide awake. It took him a moment to realize that it was the sound of the washer turning on downstairs that had woken him. Hotch doubted it was a burglar who had decided to break in to do a load of laundry but he grabbed his gun anyway just in case.<p>

Hotch made his way to the laundry room and peeked inside the half open door. The FBI agent saw that it was only Spencer so he set his gun down on a bookcase before going in so as not to frighten the boy.

"What are you doing up?" Hotch asked as he walked into the laundry room.

Spencer started at the sound of the older man's voice. After a moment he had calmed down and looked at his feet in shame. Hotch sighed and opened the washer. The cycle stopped and the older man saw a set of sheets and a pair of pajamas inside.

Hotch closed the lid again before asking gently, "Did you… have an accident?" Spencer looked up and nodded quickly before looking back down. In the split second the boy had his head raised Hotch had seen that he was blushing furiously. "You go ahead and sleep on the couch I'll finish cleaning up."

Spencer looked up in surprise. "You're not going to punish me?" he asked in a clearly confused voice.

Hotch did not answer; he was too busy looking at the boy in surprise at the sudden outburst of speech. Spencer obviously noticed this mistake too for a moment later he had covered his mouth with both hands and ran out of the laundry room.

The next day Hotch called Gideon to talk about the events of the previous day. "Maybe having him stay with me isn't such a good idea." Hotch said after he had finished telling Gideon about everything that had happened.

"Why do say that?" Gideon asked.

"I lost him, Jason."

"And you found him again."

"But I didn't keep an eye on him. What kind of FBI agent am I for losing a material witness like that?"

"Is that the only reason?"

Hotch closed his eyes and took a deep breath before speaking. "No… I…What kind of father loses a child like that?"

"I've talked to Spencer's previous psychiatrists. This is the most interaction he has had with anyone since the Landon's murder. He needs you, Aaron. You are a good father to both Spencer and Jack."

Hotch turned around when he heard something and saw a piece of paper being pushed under the bedroom door. "I'll see you later, Jason." Hotch said before hanging up.

Hotch walked across the room and picked up the folded up piece of paper. He unfolded it and looked over the words written in familiar handwriting.

_I'm sorry I got lost at the movie theatre and that I wet the bed yesterday. Please, let me stay with you for a little bit longer. I promise I will be good from now on._

_-Spencer Reid_

Hotch felt his grip get tighter on the paper. Did Spencer really think this was his fault? The FBI agent went to go find Spencer and to straighten things out but when he opened the door he found the teenager standing there looking up at him expectantly.

"Spencer," Hotch started stiffly, putting back up his emotional walls. "None of this" he held up the note. "is your fault. In fact, you getting lost at the movie theatre is my fault. I should have been keeping an eye on you. I should be the one apologizing."

Spencer looked as if he did not really believe him but he nodded and made to leave. Hotch carefully put his hand on the teenager's shoulder and turned him back toward him. "I mean it. It's not your fault, Spencer." This time Spencer showed no recognition that he even heard the older man speak. "Why don't you go get ready to go see Agent Gideon." Hotch suggested as he held back a tired sigh.

* * *

><p>Spencer had his arms crossed as if trying to protect himself as he sat on the couch in Gideon's office. Gideon cleared his throat before speaking. "Hotch told me about what happened yesterday. How are you doing?" Reid only shrugged in response. "Getting lost in such a big place must have been scary."<p>

Spencer shook his head and tried to look nonchalant. He had been scared, very scared, but he did not want Gideon to know that. If he did then Gideon would tell Aaron and then Aaron would think Reid was acting like a child. Spencer wanted to be strong now. Aaron had seen his weak side. What if his new Aaron started to think that he was too much work? Spencer buried his face in his hands at that thought.

"Spencer." Gideon said gently. "It's okay if you were scared." Spencer shook his head again. It wasn't okay. It was why his dad left, why his aunt didn't want him, why he was tossed around from foster home to foster home; he was too much work and he wasn't worth it.

After the session Hotch asked JJ to keep an eye on Spencer while he talked to Gideon. Spencer sat at the table in the break room staring down at a stain in the tabletop.

"Do you want a soda?" JJ asked from where she was leaning against the kitchenette counter. The teenager looked up and pointed at the coffeepot that was to the right of JJ. She smiled and got him a Styrofoam cup from the cupboard above the counter. She poured the brown liquid into the cup then held up the powdered creamer. Spencer nodded his approval and she started to pour it in. "Say when." The teenager cocked an eyebrow at her. JJ blushed at her mistake. "You know what I mean." Spencer smiled and held up a hand to signal "when". "Sugar?" The teenage boy nodded enthusiastically. He didn't signal for her to stop pouring until there was a generous amount of sugar in the coffee.

JJ handed the cup of coffee to Spencer and mouthed the words "thank you" not wanting her to think him impolite.

Spencer actually liked JJ. She was nice, and to be honest he had a hard time disliking someone who gave him coffee. JJ got herself a cup of coffee too and sat down across from him before she started talking. "The first time I tried coffee I was eight. It was the morning of my cousin's wedding. She had come to my house so my mom could do her hair and make-up. I took a huge gulp of my mom's coffee and ended up spitting it out all over my cousin's wedding dress."

Spencer tried to hold in his laughter but a small chuckle made it out. It was the first time he had laughed since the Landons and his first Aaron were killed. It felt good to finally have something to laugh and smile about.

JJ smiled back. She was glad she could make the teenager laugh; make him loosen up. When she had first walked into the room he had a harsh frown on his face and his whole body had been tense. But now he was starting to relax, though he was still guarded. She hoped that one day he would be able to open up to people again.

A/N: I apologize for not updating sooner but with papers coming due and finals I got extremely busy. Now that the semester is over though I hope to be able to update more.


	5. Chapter 5 Speak

A/N: I'm sorry it took me so long to update. Life kinda got in the way… Plus I got caught up with watching all five seasons of Quantum Leap. *blushes* It's an awesome show by the way. Im a little worried that this chapter moves a little too fast. So please let me know if I have anything I need to improve on.

Cristina reid: Wow… that sounds like such a sad story. I may check it out later. And yes, torturing reid is just too fun to resist. *evil smile*

Balance-The-Moon-And-Stars: Thank you so much. I was worried about how well I was portraying Hotch. He's pretty difficult for me to write but I really wanted to get this story out there so I took a risk. Thank you so much for the complement. Sometimes I think I go a little overboard on the Reid cuteness, but I just can't help myself. ;)

Kyandua: Yeah, I disabled the anonymous reviewer thing because I have a friend who is an author on here and she showed me some really mean reviews she got from people who weren't logged in. I really would rather not have to end up dealing with that.

Kitsune1818: I'm so honored to know that this is your first CM fic!. Welcome to the world of Criminal Minds fanfiction

HpDork FreakaZiod: Thank you.I did better than I thought I would on my finals. Not trying to brag ;) but I got all A's and B's. Thanks for asking.

And thank you everyone else who reviewed! You are all AWESOME!

CHAPTER FIVE: Speak

"The defense wants to move up the trial date. We don't have much longer to get Spencer to talk." Lucas Howard said urgently as he walked into Gideon's office.

Gideon looked up and frowned when he saw Lucas. The prosecutor looked exhausted. There were dark smudges under his eyes and his mouth was set in a grim line. "I'm sorry, Lucas, but we can't rush him. Spencer needs to talk when he's ready." Gideon said with a sigh.

Howard ran a hand through his thinning, orange hair. "I can try to hold it off a bit longer but you know there's a little phrase in the Constitution about the 'right to a speedy and public trial'. Emphasis on 'speedy'."

Gideon shook his head. "What do you want me to do, Lucas?"

"I don't know." Lucas seemed frustrated as he started pacing the small area of the office. "Tell him that unless he testifies there's a big chance that these men will get away with murder."

"I can't scare him into talking." Gideon stated firmly with a frown creasing his wrinkled forehead. "And he already knows that anyway."

"Jason, my whole case is based around Spencer's testimony. These men didn't leave any physical evidence that they committed the crime. No fingerprints, no DNA; nothing. It's all circumstantial "

Jason could see the desperation on Howard's face and could hear the pleading in his voice. This man was not trying to be insensitive. He just wanted the best chance to put two criminals away. "I'll talk to Agent Hotchner and we'll try to figure something out."

* * *

><p>Spencer sat on a bench watching Mr. and Mrs. Hotchner playing with Jack on the playground. It seemed like this was the first time in a long time that they had gotten to all spend time together as a family. He placed himself far enough away from them that he did not feel like he was intruding. It was not that they made him feel like some sort of intruder. The problem was that they made him feel like too much a part of the family. It was better if he kept reminding himself that this was only temporary; once he could start speaking again he was going to testify in court and then be sent away again into the black hole that was the foster care system.<p>

Spencer realized he had been staring at them and quickly looked back down at his book. He had read this book several times, with his eidetic memory he could recite it in his sleep. He just needed something that would make him look busy while he distanced himself. When Spencer looked back up he noticed that his new Aaron was no longer playing and laughing with Mrs. Hotchner and Jack. The teenage boy whipped his head around trying to spot the kind man who had given him a sense of security. He finally saw Hotch, who had walked a little ways toward the parking lot, and let out a sigh of relief. His new Aaron was talking on his cell phone, his usually stoic expression had replaced the care free one he had had just a few minutes ago. The older man glanced at him; their eyes met and both of them immediately looked away.

* * *

><p>Hotch hit the end button on his phone a little harder than was necessary and ran a hand through his hair. He did not want to rush Spencer, he was in too fragile of a state. The teenager was starting to open up but was still wary; pushing him too hard may send him back into his shell completely. On the other hand, Hotch did not want to see the murderers get off. Then Spencer would be in danger if they decided to get revenge, or shut him up just in case. It was an impossible situation.<p>

Hotch looked down at his watch. It was still a couple of hours until he and Gideon would meet to talk about Spencer in person. He decided to put this out of his mind for now and enjoy the time they were spending at the park.

* * *

><p>Spencer sat curled up at one end of the couch while Haley sat, holding Jack on the other end. It was after dinner and it had been Jack's turn to pick a movie; they were watching one of the small boy's favorites: Disney's Peter Pan. Spencer was not paying attention, he was too busy wondering where his new Aaron was and when he would be home. He did not really feel uncomfortable being alone with Mrs. Hotchner and Jack, he just missed that feeling of safety he had when his new Aaron was there.<p>

Suddenly the doorbell rang and Spencer jumped, startled by the sound. Haley paused the movie and went to check who was at the door. Spencer felt his heart speed up and he grabbed the throw pillow that Jack had tossed on the floor. He held it to his chest in some sort of illogical thought that it would muffle his heartbeat that sounded unbearably loud in his ears. He watched as Mrs. Hotchner looked out the window when she saw who it was she started unlocking the door. The teenager buried his face in the pillow, afraid that if he looked up he would see the men that killed the Landons and Aaron.

The sound of the door opening made a shiver go down Spencer's spine. He could hear voices very faint behind the sound of the blood roaring in his ears. Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder. The teenager gasped and pulled away. He moved the pillow slightly so that he could see who was trying to grab his shoulder. He was surprised to see that it was his new Aaron who was standing there with a concerned look on his face.

Hotch saw the confusion on Spencer's face as the teenager looked from the front door and back to him. "I forgot my key." Hotch explained as he sat down next to Spencer. "Are you okay?" The boy nodded in reply but Hotch could still see the lingering fear in the boy's eyes.

"I need to talk to you about something." When Hotch said this Haley picked up Jack who was half asleep and started taking him upstairs. "I was talking with Gideon tonight." Hotch saw Spencer look down as if expecting to be punished or scolded in some way. "It's not bad, Spencer. I promise. We were just discussing a trip Gideon thought would be a good idea for you. I wasn't so sure so we decided it would be better to ask you what you wanted to do." Hotch seemed to hesitate before asking. "Do you want to go to Las Vegas to see your mother?"

Spencer looked at the older man in disbelief for a moment then started nodding fervently. The thought of seeing his mother again after so many years was overwhelming. He wanted so badly to see her that it hurt.

The next day Hotch started planning the trip and in a couple of days' time they were on a plane to Las Vegas. By the time they were in the air Spencer was as tense as a wound spring. Getting through security had been a nightmare. The teenager had nearly had a nervous breakdown in the middle of the airport and take off had only made things worse.

Hotch felt Spencer's hand still wrapped around his, cutting off the circulation. "Spencer, it's okay. We're in the air now." Spencer opened one eye to look at Hotch but then quickly closed it again. The older man reached with his other hand into his carry on and pulled out the mp3 player Haley had given him for his birthday. He set it in his lap and then gently pried his hand out of Spencer's. As soon as Hotch's hand disappeared the boy gripped the armrest instead. Hotch sighed and put the headphones in Spencer's ears. After they were in he turned on some classical music, hoping it would calm Spencer down.

Within a few minutes Spencer had calmed down quite a bit and in the next half hour he had fallen asleep. Hotch settled back in his seat; he was finally able to relax. He wished that they had the time to make this a road trip instead so that he did not have to put Spencer through all this stress. He almost regretted letting Gideon talk him into this but that look on teenager's face when he asked about going to Vegas to see the boy's mother made it worth it. Besides that hopefully this trip would give Spencer some closure and put him farther along on the path to healing.

* * *

><p>Spencer looked around the hotel room wearily. It was late and the trip to Nevada had worn him out. They had had two layovers, one of which barely gave them enough time to get to their connecting flight. Spencer walked over to the bed farthest from the door and fell onto it with groan.<p>

"Don't you want to change into your pajamas before bed?" Hotch asked gently as he set the suitcases by the closet.

Spencer sighed and went to get his pajamas, toothbrush, and toothpaste out of his bag. He went into the bathroom and set his stuff on the sink before leaning heavily against it. Looking up into the mirror Spencer started to think about what the next day held for him. He wondered what his mother would think about him. What if she didn't want to see him? Would she even recognize him? Would he recognize her? Of course he had an eidetic memory but he had not seen her since he was four. He had changed, she most likely had changed too. Spencer shook his head and decided to set aside those thoughts for the night in favor of sleep.

The next day Hotch made sure that he was dressed casual since Diana Reid's doctor told him that she had an aversion to government agents. He could tell from the moment they got up that Spencer was extremely nervous. On the drive over to Bennington Sanatorium Hotch did his best to try to calm the teenager's fears.

"I'm sure your mother will be very happy to see you again." Hotch said, trying to sound optimistic. He glanced over at Spencer only to see him shaking his head in reply. "Why wouldn't she be?" Spencer did not reply he only shook his head harder.

By the time they finally got to Bennington Spencer had curled himself up into a ball in the passenger seat. It took Hotch a good ten minutes to coax the teenager out of the car.

* * *

><p>"We're here to see Diana Reid." Hotch told the nurse when they finally got to front desk.<p>

She looked up from the computer monitor sitting in front of her and gave an irritated sigh. "No one under eighteen is allowed in." she said, obviously annoyed.

"I talked with Dr. Norman and he said that he would make an exception."

The nurse rolled her eyes before replying. "He did not say anything about it or leave a note, Sir."

Hotch frowned, it was the only sign of frustration he allowed to show. "I would like to speak with Dr. Norman myself then."

The nurse picked up the phone next to her and dialed a couple of numbers. "Yeah, Dr. Norman, there's this guy here with a twelve year old and he says that you gave them special permission to visit a patient." There was a short pause before she addressed Hotch. "Your guys' names Aaron Hotchner and Spencer Reid?"

"Yes." Hotch replied shortly.

The nurse went back to talking to Dr. Norman. "Yeah, that's them… Okay, I'll let them in." She turned back to Hotch, attitude still unchanged. "I'll have another nurse take you to Mrs. Reid's room."

Luckily the next nurse was much nicer than the first. "Here's Mrs. Reid's room." He said kindly once he led them down a couple of hallways. He knocked on the door before opening it slightly and leaning in. "Diana," he said gently. "You have some visitors."

Hotch motioned for Spencer to go in first which the boy reluctantly did. Spencer stopped after only taking a couple of steps into the room. Time seemed to stop the moment he saw her. Immediately he recognized her. She looked older but still the same. His mother was sitting up in bed, a book laying open on her lap. That was exactly what she had been doing the day they came to take her away, the day everything fell apart for Spencer.

Diana was the first to speak. "Spencer?" It was a question, as if she was not sure she could believe her eyes.

Spencer's heart swelled at the thought that she recognized him and took a step toward her. His lips quivered with words he had long been waiting to say to his mother; they were ready to tumble out. He took a sharp intake of breath, trying to hold them in. But he could not keep the words at bay. Only one word slipped out and it was so soft no one could be sure if he really said anything at all.

"Mommy."


	6. Chapter 6 Settled

A/N: I'm sorry this took me such a long time to post. I've been going through a lot recently, trying to figure out some things. Thank you for understanding.

CHAPTER SIX: Settled

At first Diana had been skeptical about Spencer really being her son, but it had not taken very long for her to accept the teenager as the genuine article. Hotch stood by the door observing the mother and son, a small smile on his face. He could not believe that Spencer was actually talking. The words were coming out of the boy's mouth so fast he was tripping over his words. Hotch did not know why but he had been expecting Spencer voice to sound different, more feminine maybe, but it fit him. The FBI agent just hoped that Spencer would still be talking when they left; he hoped that this was the breakthrough the teenager had needed.

Spencer was enjoying talking to his mother. Talking to her was like coming home; it was comfortable. The thought of just staying there with her forever crossed his mind for a moment but he knew that was not possible. "I wish I could stay here with you." He voiced his thought in a whisper.

A pained expression came across Diana's features at hearing the confession. "Oh, never say that, baby. You don't ever want to have to stay here." She told her son.

"It's not fair. I could've taken care of you. They didn't have to take us away from each other."

Diana smiled and gently took Spencer's hand. "You were only four. Even though you are so smart and gifted it would not have been fair to you."

Spencer pulled his hand away and shook his head. "Y-you don't understand!" he said angrily, nearly yelling. "We should have been together! You shouldn't have to be here! And- and I shouldn't have been hur-…" Spencer trailed off as he wrapped his arms around himself defensively. He became unnervingly quiet.

Diana looked at Hotch, a dangerous gleam in her eye. "Did someone hurt my baby?" she asked quietly.

Hotch did not know why but in this moment he felt he had to be more careful with Diana Reid than any UnSub he had ever encountered. He thought quickly and carefully about his next words. "I do not know the specifics of what Spencer has been through since being put in foster care but I promise that I will not let any harm come to him while he is my care."

"Mr. Hotchner, I do not put a lot of faith in that promise since I have no idea if you are going to be taking care of him until he is eighteen or handing him off to somebody else tomorrow."

Hotch did not know how to respond. She was right, the promise he made had a huge gaping hole in it. What would happen to Spencer once he was out of Hotch's care? The next family Spencer was placed with could be worse than all the others combined for all he knew. Before Hotch could reply Dr. Norman came in to see how the visit was going. When the doctor saw that Diana and Spencer were both upset he recommended that they end the visit for the day.

"No, please, I'm sorry!" Spencer said pleadingly. "Please don't make me leave my mom again. I'll be good! I promise."

Hotch gently gripped Spencer's shoulders. "We are going to be here for a couple of days, Spencer. I promise that we will come and see your mother again tomorrow."

Spencer clenched and unclenched his fists a couple of times before finally nodding. He ran over and hugged his mother tightly. "I'll be back tomorrow. I promise." He told her in a broken voice.

* * *

><p>Hotch started the car but did not pull out of the parking space yet. He turned to the teenager sitting beside him. "I'm sorry we had to leave early, Spencer, but you will get to see her tomorrow. I promise."<p>

Spencer turned to look at his new Aaron. He wanted to talk to him so badly. He figured that if he was able to talk to his mom without anything bad happening why shouldn't he be able to talk to anybody else. "Are you going to get rid of me once the trial is over?" He asked in a tight voice.

Spencer watched the older man carefully. His new Aaron sighed and took a moment to reply. "I don't think this is the right time to discuss that."

Spencer felt like laughing. Not because he thought anything was funny but because he thought it was ridiculous that adults skirted around topics that were hard to talk about. As if not talking about them somehow he would forget about it or the situation would disappear altogether. He should have known that the answer to his question was a resounding "Yes". He did not need his new Aaron to voice it; the answer was all too obvious.

* * *

><p>That evening Hotch lay awake staring up at the ceiling of the hotel room. He was thinking about what Diana had said. The FBI agent suddenly felt responsible for every bad thing that had ever happened to the teenager in the next bed. He knew it was an irrational thought but it was hard to shake. Spencer had already had so many people let him down Hotch did not think he could bear to be another name added to that list.<p>

Hotch rolled over and grabbed his cell phone off of his nightstand. The bed creaked as he got to his feet to head to the bathroom. He pressed number one on his speed dial and leaned against the door, phone pressed against his ear.

"Hello?" came his wife's tired voice after the third ring.

Hotch took a deep breath then said quietly. "Sweetheart, I need to talk to you about something very important."

* * *

><p>Spencer sat with his mother out in the day room playing scrabble. He vaguely remembered playing this game with his mom when he was little. The familiarity made him feel very calm in spite of the constant reminder of the upcoming trial in the back of his mind.<p>

"I know that it's the summer but do you like school?" Diana asked with a small smile on her face. "You couldn't wait to start school when you were little. It was all you could talk about."

Spencer swallowed nervously. He did not want to upset his mother by telling her that he hated school. Every day always having to be on guard, watching out for bullies and having to tolerate classes with incompetent teachers. He only had a little more time with his mom and he did not want it to end like how the other day had. "I love learning." He finally settled on saying. It was true he loved learning, just not at school.

Hotch stood a little ways off continuing the conversation he had started with his wife the night before. "Haley, I won't be able to live with myself if I let him go after the trial and something happens to him." He told her in a low voice.

He could hear her sigh before she spoke. "You said that this was only temporary. You're talking about raising an emotionally damaged teenager."

"He's been abandoned by everyone he has ever trusted. I won't continue that cycle."

"Aaron, I will be the one taking care of him! You'll be at work until late or away on cases." Haley's frustration was evident in her voice and Hotch realized he would not be getting through to her at the moment. Hopefully if he gave her a little time to think about it she would change her mind.

Hotch took a deep breath. "Let's talk about this again later."

"Okay. Fine."

They said their "I love you"s and hung up. Hotch had already settled the situation in his head he was not about to let Spencer go back into the foster care system. He knew that not all the foster parents taking in children were bad people but it was definitely a gamble and Hotch was not much of a gambler.


	7. Chapter 7 Speechless

A/N: Thank you so much for your patience. Life's just been one thing after another. I'm tranferring to a different school so I've been very busy trying to get registerred last minute. Your reviews have been really keeping me going they have even encouraged me to start thinking of ideas for my next story. :) I feel like the ending of this chapter might have been a little rushed so just give me some feedback so that I'll know how to improve in the future.

Warnings: Vague descriptions of violence, and the only law knowledge I have is one college class in Criminal Law and what I've seen on Law & Order.

CHAPTER SEVEN: Speechless

Spencer pulled at the tie that felt too tight around his neck as he sat down on the witness stand. It had been a little over two weeks since he had said good bye to his mother. He knew he could call her and write her letters but that did not help him right now. At this moment he had never felt more alone. The fourteen year old could feel everyone watching him; it was like they were waiting for him to break down right there in front of them.

Spencer swallowed hard and pulled at the tie again. He felt a little more confident when he looked out into the crowd and saw his Aaron give him an encouraging nod. Maybe he could do this; he just needed to remember what Aaron had told him: stay calm and answer all the questions clearly and honestly.

"Spencer, can you tell us what happened the night your foster family was murdered?" Mr. Howard asked gently.

The teenager took a deep breath and glanced over at the jury. He was tempted to look over at the defendants but Aaron, Mr. Howard, and Gideon all told him to pretend like the two men were not even there. He figured they did not want him to feel intimidated into not speaking.

Spencer's mouth felt dry, like he had had nothing to drink for days. Closing his eyes, he tried to think about staying calm. "It was around nine in the evening." He started hoarsely. Spencer cleared his throat and tried again. "It was around nine. Mrs. Landon was in her sewing room mending Aaron's jeans; he had ripped them while playing football with his friends. Mr. Landon was sitting in his recliner looking at the bills. Aaron and I were watching TV because I had already finished my homework and Aaron always waits- waited until last minute." As Spencer spoke he was reliving every moment, thanks to his eidetic memory. Keeping his eyes closed was helping; he knew that if he opened them and saw all the people watching him he would not be able to continue. "The- the doorbell rang and Mr. Landon went to answer it. A minute later we could hear yelling so Aaron went to see what was going on. I was about to follow him but he came running back into the room and he shoved me into the closet. He told me…" Spencer trailed off. These memories were so private, so painful. Now he understood why people say making a victim give testimony in court was like revictimizing them.

"Go on, Spencer, it's okay." Mr. Howard prodded

"He told me to stay there and be quiet. I hid in the back of the closet but I could hear everything that was going on. There was some yelling and I heard stuff breaking. When I finally looked out I could see Mr. Landon and Aaron. They were both tied up but only Aaron was gagged. I-I couldn't see Mrs. Landon, but I could…" Spencer paused to take a deep breath but continued none the less. "I could hear her crying. There were two men and they were asking Mr. Landon where his brother was because he owed their boss money. Mr. Landon kept telling them he didn't know but they didn't believe him. The- the bigger one of the two men; he… he walked away to where I couldn't see him but then I could hear Mrs. Landon crying louder and Mr. Landon started yelling at him to stop." Spencer stopped talking. He did not know if he could keep going. All the memories were just so horrible; he wished that they would just let him forget it all. He may not have been able to see what had been happening to Mrs. Landon but he could guess. "Mr. Landon kept telling them that he didn't know where his brother was throughout the whole thing. The two men; they started hurting Aaron. When Aaron passed out they went on to hurting Mr. Landon. I guess they figured out eventually that Mr. Landon was telling the truth because they pulled out a gun and… They killed them. They killed my family. Then the two men walked out of there like nothing had happened." Spencer finally felt the tears coming and he opened his eyes. Since that night he had never really taken the time to truly think about what had happened. He was too scared to, but at that moment talking everything through; for the first time he felt angry. "THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT WHERE THEY WERE GOING TO GET DINNER!" he screamed. "They acted like my family weren't even people!"

The judge started pounding her gavel. "Calm down, Mr. Reid." She ordered sternly.

"I'm sorry." Spencer apologized quietly.

Mr. Howard cleared his throat before asking the next question. "Do you see the two men in this court room?"

"Yes."

"Can you point to them?"

Spencer shakily pointed at the defendants and then slowly lowered his hand.

Mr. Howard nodded. "Let the record show that the witness indicated the two defendants. No further questions."

As Mr. Howard sat down the defense attorney got to his feet. The way the well-dressed man was smiling reminded Spencer of a shark. The man's blindingly white teeth were bared and his eyes were twinkling like he knew something they didn't. "Spencer, isn't it true that your mother is a paranoid schizophrenic?"

Mr. Howard was suddenly on his feet. "Objection!"

"Goes to the credibility of the witness." The defense attorney said smoothly.

The judge sighed. "I'll allow it." She said warily. "Answer the question, Spencer."

Spencer looked over at his new Aaron and then back at the attorney. "Yes, sir."

The attorney's smile got even bigger if that was possible. "And isn't schizophrenia genetic?"

"Yes, but-"

The attorney cut him off. "So is it possible that you're perception of that evening may be skewed?"

Spencer shook his head. "No!" he said, voice obviously panicked. "I know what I saw! I have an eidetic memory. I can never forget anything."

"Well, do you remember what you had for breakfast last week?"

Spencer thought for a second, the pressure of the moment was making it hard to remember anything. Tension was building in his muscles causing his hands to shaking. He opened and closed his mouth several times obviously speechless.

"No? Maybe your mind isn't as keen as you would like us to think. How can we depend on this boy's testimony when his family has a history of mental illness?"

Mr. Howard got to his feet once more. "Your honor!"

The judge addressed the attorney in a stern voice. "Counselor, unless you have any more questions cut the witness loose."

The attorney still had on his shark-like grin. "Nothing further."

* * *

><p>Hotch sat with Spencer in a restaurant down the street from the courthouse. The teenager had not said a word since being on the witness stand and half-way through lunch the FBI agent had given up on trying to start a conversation.<p>

"Am I crazy?" Spencer suddenly asked.

Hotch frowned in concern. "Of course not. That attorney was just trying to find reason, no matter how absurd, for the jury not to believe you. What he said means nothing. You are not crazy, Spencer."

"Sometimes I feel like I am." Spencer said quietly. "Sometimes I think that maybe because all these bad things keep happening to me that- that maybe I deserve it, but I know that that line of thinking is irrational." The boy shook his head and started pushing the food around on his plate.

Hotch briefly wondered just how much misfortune this boy had suffered. He had heard stories about abuse in foster care and had talked to victims of such abuse yet it had never felt so personal. With witnessing a brutal murder on top of all that, he was surprised that Spencer wasn't exhibiting more signs of post-traumatic stress. "No one deserves what you've gone through." Hotch told the young teenager carefully. "You are a very strong person who has gone through a lot, but it's over now. I won't let anyone else hurt you."

Spencer gave the FBI agent a wry smile. "How are you going to do that? After this is over I'm going to stay with a new family. I'll probably never see you again." Spencer said the last part with a sad tone in his voice.

"No, you're not. You're going to stay with me and my family. I am going to adopt you." As soon as Hotch told Spencer this he immediately regretted it. He didn't regret the choice; the problem was that he had not had the chance to discuss it with Haley again since the phone conversation in Nevada. With preparing for the trial and trying to keep Spencer calm he just never had the time. Now Spencer was grinning at him like it was Christmas and he had just unwrapped the toy of his dreams (or in Spencer's case book of his dreams) and Hotch knew that he had to talk this over with his wife that night.

* * *

><p>That night Spencer sat at the top of the stairs just out of sight, with silent tears rolling down his cheeks. All in one day his emotions had been raised to its heights and brought down to the lowest he's ever felt. Right at that moment he could hear Haley quietly arguing with Hotch about adopting him.<p>

"Aaron, you're not listening." Haley said with a sigh. "You don't get it. You will always be at the office or on a case. I will be the one taking care of Spencer and I don't know if I can handle taking care of Jack's needs and Spencer's. He's so damaged and needs so much attention."

Spencer could hear his Aaron speak next. "I know, but won't it be worth it? Spencer needs us."

Haley started speaking again, her voice getting slightly louder. "What he needs is a professional. Someone who will know how to handle him."

"He needs people he trusts." Hotch said pointedly.

"That's what I'm saying, Aaron! As much as you care about Spencer you care about your job more. Once you go back to work Spencer won't have you anymore. It will be me trying to keep him together."

Spencer listened for his Aaron's reply but all he heard was a quiet sigh. The lack of a reply was enough of an answer for him. He figured that his stay at the Hotchner household would end but it was nice to imagine, even for a moment, that it was going to be permanent.

"Let's just go to bed." Haley continued, sounding exhausted.

* * *

><p>Haley wearily climbed the stairs to head to bed. She felt bad for Spencer, but just the idea of taking in the emotionally troubled adolescence permanently was overwhelming. How was she supposed to take care of him along with her home and Jack? It was too much. There had to be a better home for him with someone who would understand what he had gone through.<p>

As she walked down the hall she noticed that Spencer's bedroom light was still on. She reluctantly knocked on the door and pushed it open. "Spencer?" she said quietly.

She saw that Spencer was carefully folding his clothes and placing them in his suitcase. He stopped when he heard his name and turned to face her. Haley frowned in confusion. "Spencer, what are you doing?"

The teenager did not answer. He only gestured to his suitcase in reply.

"But why?" Haley asked as she went to sit on the bed.

Spencer sat down next to her, his whole body tense and hands clasped together in his lap. "Y- you don't want me here anymore." He stated matter of factly. "And I understand. I heard you talking with my- with Agent Hotchner. It's okay. I'll call Agent Potter in the morning. I'll be out of your hair."

Haley could hear it in his voice. He was trying to be brave but she could hear the disappointment, the sadness. It was there. How could she ignore her motherly instinct to make that disappointment and sadness go away? Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. He was a teenager; he could take care of himself as far as his physical needs, eating, hygiene, dressing himself. All he really needed was a family and maybe they did have room for one more. It would take some time but maybe they could make it work.

Haley reached over and gently grabbed one of Spencer's hands. She felt him jump slightly but he turned his head so he could meet her eyes. "No, you are not going anywhere."


	8. Chapter 8 Sensory Overload

A/N: I am so sorry that it has been so long since I last posted. I have been extremely busy with school and dealing with some medical stuff. Nothing serious just time consuming. I don't know how many more chapters I will be writing for this. Please, leave any suggestions you have in reviews and I will consider them. Thank you so much for your patience.

CHAPTER EIGHT: Sensory Overload

The excitement over the fact that the Hotchners were going to adopt him took Spencer's mind off of the trial for a day or so, but it was not long before it demanded his attention once more. Mr. Howard came over during dinner and asked to speak with Hotch alone. Spencer could see how distressed the prosecutor looked. The news obviously could not be good.

It was an hour later when the two men finally came out of the office, both looking frustrated. Mr. Howard left without a word while Hotch went to sit on the couch.

"Do you want me to reheat your dinner?" Haley asked carefully.

Hotch shook his head. "I'm not hungry."

Spencer went and sat down next to his Aaron. "Did Mr. Howard have news about the trial?" The teenager asked apprehensively.

Hotch stared down at the carpet so intently that it looked as if he was studying each strand of the material. He sighed deeply before answering. "Mr. Howard says that it's not looking good." Hotch looked up at Spencer and saw the fear in his eyes. "But don't worry about it. I'm sure that Lucas will turn it around."

* * *

><p>"<em>We find the defendants not guilty." The jury foreman announced in a loud, booming voice that seemed to echo through the courtroom. The two defendants turned around in their chairs and grinned eerily at Spencer. The teenager felt a chill run down his spine. He looked around for his Aaron but suddenly there was no one in the courtroom besides himself and the two men that had murdered his family.<em>

_Spencer swallowed hard and started backing up slowly as he watched the two large men stand and start to come toward him. Spencer went to turn around and tripped over a chair. He felt fear grip his chest, it felt like ice cold chains were squeezing around his heart. Trying to get up, Spencer could hear the heavy footsteps of the two murderers coming closer. _

_Then he felt their large hands grab each of his arms. "NO!" Spencer screamed as they dragged him backwards. They were going to kill him now and he could not do anything to stop them. "NO! PLEASE!" His eyes burned from the saltiness of the tears that started rolling down his face so he closed them. _

_Suddenly Spencer was falling. Darkness was swallowing him then…_

Spencer sat bolt upright in bed. He was breathing harshly as he reached over to his nightstand to turn on the lamp and grab his glasses. Once he accomplished those two tasks and made sure that he hadn't wet the bed again he curled up, pulling his pillow close to his chest as if it was a shield.

He wondered if this whole ordeal would ever be over, especially if the bad guys won the trial. Would he have to go back into witness protection? Would he be taken away from the Hotchners even though they wanted to keep him? Would anyone be able to protect him?

Curled up on his bed out in the open Spencer felt extremely vulnerable. He crawled out of bed dragging along his blue checked comforter and his pillow. He walked over to his closet and dropped the two items on the floor before then pulling down all the clothes hanging in front of him. He was so tired that he just threw them aside instead of carefully placing them on the bed like he might have done if he had been more alert. He then got down on all fours and crawled into the closet again dragging the comforter and pillow along with him.

That next morning when Hotch found out that Spencer had slept in the closet he decided to take him to talk to Gideon that day instead of waiting for the next scheduled session. He was starting to regret telling the teenager the truth about the trial's progress.

The elevator doors opened and the pair stepped out and started toward the glass doors. "I need to go talk to Gideon for a second before he talks to you. Will you be okay by yourself?" Hotch asked seriously. Spencer nodded trying to look confident despite the nervousness gnawing at his insides.

This time Spencer found himself waiting in the conference room while his Aaron was talking to Agent Gideon. He was a little calmer listening to the classical music his Aaron had let him listen to on the airplane trip to Nevada. He glanced out the window that looked down into the bullpen and saw JJ talking with another agent. She offered him a smile and a wave before going back to her serious conversation. It made the teenager smile to know that she remembered him. Then he saw the muscular agent who had frightened him a few weeks ago. The agent was talking light-heartedly with a blonde woman as they walked out of view. The nervousness from earlier had returned.

* * *

><p>Morgan was laughing at something inappropriate that Garcia had said as they entered the conference room but it quickly stopped when they saw that the room was already occupied. As soon as the young teenager saw them he closed his eyes and rested his head on the table, face turned away from them.<p>

"You okay there, kid?" Morgan asked loudly.

Spencer swallowed hard. He could hear the question over the music but he was hoping that if he ignored the strangers that they would go away. Talking to the Hotchners and his mom was one thing, and talking in court was not exactly his choice but talking to strangers voluntarily was something he could not bring himself to do. Spencer gripped the mp3 player in his hand and turned up the volume as loud as he could handle.

Garcia turned and looked at Morgan a questioning look on her face. "That's the kid that Hotch took in for the trial." Morgan answered the unasked question. "I think he remembers me from that time I accidentally startled him."

"Why would you scare the poor boy?" Garcia asked, looking at Morgan as if he had just kicked a puppy.

"It was an _accident_."

A couple of minutes passed and Spencer thought that maybe they had left. Then he felt something brush his hand. His head jerked up, startled. A small Ziploc bag with a couple of cookies inside was sitting on the table next to his hand. The teenager slowly sat up, removing his headphones in the process. Feeling someone standing next to him he turned his head to look at them. It was the blonde woman standing there smiling sweetly.

"They're chocolate chip." She announced. Spencer looked from her to the cookies and then back at her warily. "Go ahead, Sweetie." She encouraged.

Spencer carefully opened the bag and pulled out one of the treats. As he started to nibble at it the woman sat down and attempted to start a conversation. "My name's Penelope. What's yours?" Spencer did not reply; still feeling nervous. "Agent Morgan tells me that you're staying with the Hotchners. Do you like it there?" He gave her a small nod. Garcia felt encouraged by that so she continued.

* * *

><p>"Yes, I know. Lucas told me they built their defense so well he almost believes it."<p>

Hotch frowned at Gideon's statement. "Spencer is not crazy, Jason."

"I know that too." Gideon replied calmly.

"This trial is taking a huge toll on Spencer and it worries me. He slept in his closet last night. His testifying in front of all those people, plus facing the men who murdered his surrogate family, then pile on being accused of not being mentally stable and the result is his recovery being set back."

"Aaron, we study the behavior of criminals. And while we may know somewhat about how to deal with victims, we are not well enough equipped to get him past this stage. I'll talk to him today but he needs to see a professional. I talked to Agent Potter and he said that they will look into placing him with a family in Vegas so he can visit his mother. I'll check and see if I can find anyone out there-"

"Haley and I are going to adopt Spencer."

Gideon's eyebrows went up in surprise. He looked as if he wanted to say something but he held his tongue and nodded. "I'll find someone around here then, unless you'd rather…"

Hotch could not help the small smile that made his lips twitch upwards for a moment. He was grateful that Jason did not try and talk him out of adopting the teenager. "We're going to be very busy getting the adoption worked out, I'd be happy for any help."

* * *

><p>That evening Spencer stared up at the ceiling of his closet with a small smile on his face. He liked listening to Penelope talk to him. She was nice and funny, and she made the whole world seem a little brighter. She reminded him a little of one of the girls that had been in his first foster home. She always liked to make the younger kids laugh. Spencer closed his eyes trying to remember her name. Then it came to him: Bethany. Even though he didn't miss being in that home he missed her. He knew that she was past eighteen by now and he wondered if he could get his Aaron to help him look her up. Soon after that thought he fell into a fitful sleep.<p>

He woke several times throughout the night the result being that by morning he felt as if he had gotten no sleep at all. The same thing happened for the next two nights. Spencer knew that it was caused by nightmares even though he couldn't seem to remember them when he was fully awake. He was so exhausted during the day that he would nap on the couch while Hotch went through some case files in his office and Haley was either cleaning, gardening, or volunteering at Jack's school.

On Spencer's third day of getting barely any sleep he was roused from his half sleep on the couch by the doorbell ringing several times and there being insistent knocking on the front door. Hotch came out of his office and did a little half jog to door due to the urgent knocking. When the door opened there stood Mr. Howard bouncing on the balls of his feet looking extremely giddy. "I was going to call," the prosecutor said as he stepped over the threshold into the house. "But I really wanted to see looks on your faces when I told you." He paused for dramatic effect before he continued. "It was discovered that both the defendants perjured themselves on the stand and their attorney had prior knowledge of it! They're pleading out and their attorney has had his license suspended, pending an investigation."

Hotch looked happier than Spencer had ever seen him. The FBI agent was grinning from ear to ear as he thanked Mr. Howard for all his help. Spencer stayed sitting on the couch as he frowned down at the carpet as intently as his Aaron had been only a few days ago. He didn't know how to react. His life was changing yet again. He knew for a fact now that he was staying with the Hotchners, he could go back to school without having to worry about anymore interruptions, he didn't have to fear the two men he had seen in court anymore; it was finally over. Spencer felt dizzy and nauseated. It was all too much to take in at once. He suddenly let out a sob and he placed a hand over his mouth trying to hold in more sobs. Tears started rushing down his face as he let out an almost inhuman wail. There were suddenly arms wrapping around his shoulders and Spencer was burying his face in his Aaron's shoulder. "It's over." Aaron said in a comforting whisper. "It's all over now."


	9. Chapter 9 Safe

A/N: okay everyone, this is the last chapter. My only warning is that the ending is a little cheesy, but I love cheese, so just bear with me. Thank you to all my reviewers and everyone who has stuck with me on this journey.

CHAPTER NINE: Safe

Spencer grinned as Garcia planted a kiss on both sides of his face. "I can't believe our little boy is graduating from high school!" she said to Morgan as she dug a handkerchief out of her purse to dab at her tears. Morgan reached forward to ruffle the sixteen year old's hair and then wrapped an arm around Garcia's shoulders.

"Congratulations, kid." He said with a smile.

Spencer smiled back. "Thanks, Morgan."

The teenager had come a long way in two years. He had learned how to hold a conversation, the nightmares were almost completely gone now, and the most amazing accomplishment of all, in his eyes, he had survived high school, and had even made a couple of friends along the way. It had been a huge relief when he realized that Hannah and Seth were indeed his friends. They stuck with him through thick and thin, even when he had had a flashback in the middle of the corridor in between classes. It had been extremely embarrassing, but they were there so he wouldn't have to suffer through the awkward glances and questions alone.

Spencer glanced around the Hotchner house, where they were holding the graduation party, looking for his friends. He spotted Hannah talking to Jack on the stairs. He excused himself from the conversation and headed over to his friend.

"Hey," he said, announcing his presence. Hannah turned to look at him and Spencer saw Jack's tearstained face. "What's wrong?" Spencer asked, now very concerned as he sat on the steps with his friend and his brother.

Hannah sighed and spoke for Jack when it was obvious that the seven year old was not going to say a word. "He's upset because now that you've graduated you're going to college, therefore you are going to leave him."

Spencer suddenly felt a wave of sadness hit him like running into a brick wall. It almost knocked the wind out of him. He had been through so much abandonment in his own life that he knew how Jack must be feeling. "Jack," Spencer said seriously as he reached forward to gently wipe the fresh tears from the young boy's face. "you know that I've had a lot of people leave me, right? My dad, the Landons, my brother Aaron." Jack nodded slowly in response. "I know how it feels to have people leave. I would never put you through that. I will be going away to college, but I swear to you that I will come back. I'll be back for Christmas break and during the summer. I promise."

Jack sniffled a little before speaking. "But what if-"

"'What if' nothing. I will come back no matter what." Spencer interrupted.

The young boy looked thoughtful for a moment. "Even if you had to swim through an ocean of spiders?" he asked seriously.

Spencer shuddered at the thought. "Yes, even if I had to swim through an ocean of the biggest, hairiest spiders in the world."

"You mean tarantulas?"

A grin spread across the teenager's face before he turned to Hannah. "I've taught him well."

All three of them burst into giggles and Jack threw himself into Spencer's arms for a hug. Spencer almost fell down the stairs but Hannah grabbed his arm before that could happen. "You're the best brother in the world." Jack whispered. "But if you do decide not to come back home I will drag you back here by your hair if I have to." Spencer didn't doubt Jack's threat but it took all his self control not to burst into laughter; so he just nodded solemnly.

* * *

><p>Now twenty-one, Spencer stood on the doorstep of his biological father's house. It had taken him months to track down William Reid. Exactly seven minutes and twenty-three seconds had passed since the young man had arrived. He wasn't sure if he really wanted to do this but there was a questions that kept running through his head that he needed answered: "Why?". Why had his biological father left? Why didn't his biological father want him?<p>

Hotch had offered to come with him but Spencer insisted that this was something he had to do alone. Right now he half heartedly wished that Hotch had come with him. This was going to be difficult and painful. He had told himself that when he started the quest, but now he was just realizing how difficult and how painful it was.

Spencer suddenly felt dizzy and he slowly sat down on the doorstep. "I can't do this." He breathed out. The young man carefully got to his feet and started to walk down the front walkway. He felt his heart skip a beat when he saw a mini van pulling into the driveway. He stood still unable to move even though his brain was telling him walk away now and not to ever look back.

A man climbed out of the driver's seat and Spencer immediately recognized him. That was his dad. Spencer swallowed thickly and considered going and talking to this man that was so familiar yet he knew nothing about. But then a woman climbed out of the passenger seat and two teenagers climbed out of the backseats. Spencer wanted to vomit. His father had started a new family; a better family.

"Can we help you?" the woman called out, kind but curious.

Spencer shook his head. "No, I think I have the wrong house." He called back in a surprisingly calm voice. He turned and finished walking down the pathway that led to the sidewalk. It was that moment that he realized some questions just weren't meant to be answered.

* * *

><p>Spencer sat across from Haley at the small table at his favorite coffee shop. He had just finished his first real case as a real FBI agent.<p>

"So what did you want to talk about?" Haley asked gently as she reached across the table to touch his hand.

Spencer pulled his hand away and stared down at the table top, refusing to meet her eyes. He could feel the walls that he had worked so hard to tear down so he could connect with people being quickly put back up. "I can't do this." He said hoarsely. "I can't look at dead bodies every day and pretend that they don't remind me of Aaron and the Landons. I thought that this was what I was meant to do but it just hurts too much."

"Spencer, look at me." She waited until he looked up to continue. "You are the strongest person I have ever met. You have faced things that no one should have to face. Your childhood was stolen from you. It wasn't fair but you didn't let it make you bitter or hardened. You let it make you strong and gentle and understanding. I think your gift is helping people, and I think you can do this. But if it's too much for you then find some other way to help people. Can you see yourself anywhere else, Spencer?"

Spencer looked like he was deep in thought. A full two minutes passed before he replied. He spoke slowly and deliberately. "You're right; I do want to help people. I want to make sure that anyone who hurts another human being has to pay for what they did. I just don't know how to deal with seeing all of the pain and damage that I went through forced on others."

"_This_ is how." Haley said simply.

"What do you mean?"

"You talk through it; with me or Aaron, anyone that you trust. Believe me, I've had to talk Aaron through all of this after a lot of cases. It was eating him up inside because he thought that he had to deal with it on his own. The biggest mistake you can make is bottling it up."

Spencer nodded slowly. "Maybe, I'll give it another couple of weeks before I decide anything."

* * *

><p>Spencer peeked through the crack in the closet door. It was dark out in the living room but he could see the shadows that were other people. They were all hiding waiting for the signal. He heard the front door open and close. Suddenly light flooded the room dispelling the darkness. "SURPRISE!" everyone shouted. Spencer leapt from the closet just as everyone else came out of their hiding spots. Hotch looked startled, then irritated, then finally a small smile crossed his face.<p>

Spencer waited patiently for his turn to say happy birthday. He waited through the usual socializing, cake, presents; it wasn't until almost everyone had left that he finally found his moment.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" Spencer asked. He didn't wait for an answer before he pulled Hotch into a quiet corner.

Hotch frowned looking slightly concerned. "What is it, Spencer?"

"Happy birthday." The younger man said, smiling.

The concern faded from Hotch's face and he smiled back. "Thank you."

"I just want you to know that I appreciate everything you've done for me; for making me feel… safe." Spencer put as much feeling and sincerity as he could into the statement of gratitude. He didn't know where it came from, he just felt like he needed to say it.

Hotch looked a little surprised but he nodded carefully then replied. "I'm your family, Spencer. That's what family does. We keep each other safe."

THE END


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